Male Fail #3

David Beckham in make-up? Absolutely! And I am rather taken by it. Taken by surprise and disappointed by his choice. It's a total male fail.

Funny, huh? No, really it's sad. Here's a better train of thought to consider for those of you bothered by male ambiguity or those of you thinking you've got it all figured out. Curious?  Go to this link.

Male Fail #2

Just because yesterday's photo was so ridiculous...here's another male fail. This one is certainly just as bad. 

Male Fail

What has this world come to? Take a look at this "fashion" from a menswear designer. Funny, huh? No, really it's sad. Here's a better train of thought to consider for those of you bothered by male ambiguity or those of you thinking you've got it all figured out. Curious?  Go to this link.

Finding Hope and Peace in the Struggle

Sometimes life is just hard! People disappoint us. Our leaders fail us. We may not understand why God allows something to happen in our lives. We disappoint ourselves- which may be the hardest to deal with of all!

As always, God provides insightful truth and encouragement for us in His Word. The Apostle Paul had to address a struggling church in Corinth, a city known for great trade, immense wealth, and one filled with all kinds of evil and debauchery. His encouragement to that church is just as valid today for those who seek to follow Jesus with their whole hearts.

Take a look at 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Here, the Apostle Paul is speaking to believers who were living in a world much like ours. Any and every sin was becoming acceptable. Evil was called good and good evil. People were living for the moment and forgetting eternity existed. Believers were persecuted and were a minority. It often seemed as if the world was winning the war, and the church was dying. 

But remember, God will always be on the side of those who seek Him- even if we do not understand what He allows.

My friends and I have traveled quite a bit of the world, and we've seen real followers of Christ suffer for what they believe, enduring shame and scorn for being different than their people. Some of them are outcasts within their own families for belonging to Jesus. Many have husbands or wives who are not believers, and they suffer because of that. Some of them give up important and lucrative jobs in order to travel and share the Good News of Jesus, living on faith, trusting God to provide in ways we cannot even imagine. Enduring beatings or being placed in jail because of what they believe, they continue on because of the amazing gift of life through their Lord. It's like reading the book of Acts, how the followers of Jesus lived after He was ascended into Heaven before He one day returns to judge the earth and reward those who have given their lives to Him.

These people are the overlooked, the ignored, the forgotten… but they are not overlooked by God.

Wherever you live on this earth, if you are one who calls yourself Christian and have devoted your life to pleasing Him, be assured you are not forgotten! Let's read that again:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

It's easy to say "Don't lose heart", and it's even easy to read it, but the question remains, how do we practically live it out?

The answer is actually found in the next few verses that follow:

“Inwardly, we are being renewed day by day."  What does this really mean? The Bible tells is two very important truths about who we are, just two chapters apart. In the same letter to the same church in Corinth, Paul tells followers of Jesus that 

1- We are a new creation in Him. God has washed away the past, forgiven us for our sin against Him, and He made us brand new. (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

2- God places his own Holy Spirit within us, and we are being transformed into the image of Jesus. This means we are becoming more like him the longer we continue to follow Him. (2 Corinthians 3:18) These two truths take place simultaneously.

What does this look like? What is the evidence of this happening in our lives? Our priorities change. We begin to love us He loves. We serve others. We take risks as He leads. In other words, we serve Him as not  only our Savior but as one who gives us direction in how He wants us to live. All this is a result of His great love for us and the sacrifice He made, dying on the cross for our sin, paying a price we could not pay.

How else can we not lose heart as we endure the struggles in this life? We can keep focused on the riches we have in Jesus now!

• Forgiveness for our sin and The Gift of Eternal Life
• Freedom in Christ- which no man can take away!
• Family in Christ   
• Hope and comfort while we live in this world- and promise for our future!

We also have all the fruit of God's Holy Spirit because He lives inside of each believer in Jesus. This means we have  Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Not only do we have this fruit, we also have The Power of the Holy Spirit and the gifts He gives us to do the work He's called us to do! (I Corinthians 12, Romans 12, Ephesians 4). We don't just get his comforting presence (which we all need- 2 Corinthians 1:1-4) but His Power working through us.

We are rich in faith as we watch God work right in front of our eyes!

There's one more way we can endure hard times, and it may be the most difficult one of our advantages, but it is the most powerful: We must stay focused on the end of the story.

If you’re older, you will understand what I’m about to say. If you’re younger, evaluate my words in the context of Scripture.

Our time on earth goes by so fast- especially when compared to eternity!  So, here's what I recommend as a practical application:

•    Be wise, and keep an eternal focus.
•      Please God at all costs before pleasing men. He is the One you must answer to.
•     Love deeply, and draw people to God. Continue to encourage one another.
•     Know that you are loved by God, and He will not fail you!

What will we have in the future? We look at the end of time and discover that God wins- and so do we!

Look at the Bible's Book of Revelation 21:1-5:

There's a new Heaven and a new Earth: The Apostle John's Vision

"Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

No more tears, death, crying, mourning, or pain. He who overcomes the hardships of life will inherit all this.

We endure until the end- not just for our rewards but to please God!

Do you ever wonder if it's ok to ask God about your future? When reading Matthew 19:27-30, we discover that even Jesus' disciples, his future leaders, would question him about what would happen to them.

 

"Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first."

There you have it! Even though we face difficulties in this life, we don't have to lose heart. God is on our side! We are new in Christ Jesus- brand new! We are forgiven for our sin against God and each other. We have freedom and life. God's Spirit lives in us to bring comfort, joy, and power to live out life in victory in spite of what happens. And we have a hope for the future- an eternity with Jesus without tears, pain, or suffering. Isn't that alone worth considering His claims to be God in the flesh?

Male Ambiguity 3

Continuing on with our discussion of Male Ambiguity...

There is an incredible plan for each of us. Our unique personality, likes and dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and skills and talents are not happenstance. We are all different for a reason! That's a great thing- what a boring world it would be should we all be the same!

That said, we cannot be all that our Creator has designed us for if we fight Him and remain in unhealthy places in our lives. Have we created a hole so deep by "just surviving" that we are afraid to take steps to health?

"For as he thinketh within himself, so is he" (Proverbs 23: 7, American Standard Version)

Where can we get stuck? Author Leeann Payne writes, “In secure possession of their gender identity, the great majority of men moved from the chest, as it were, out of hearts freed from the Legalisms of Childhood, the Narcissisms of Adolescence, or the Perfectionisms of an Adulthood spent futilely seeking self acceptance (or even the affirmation of parents).”
Crisis in Masculinity; page 13

Question: Let’s look at these and see if we find ourselves here in one spot or in many…

“Legalisms of Childhood”

This may be best represented by folks who tell others what to do and how to do it- but don't follow their own advice, setting themselves up as an example. They live unrestrained lives, taking actions which immediately or eventually inflict pain on others or use them for their own pleasure or purposes. Everything is about them and what they want. As adults, we know real community and true love requires sacrifice and looking out for the needs of others first.

For those stuck in this childish mode, there can be an unspoken list of Do’s and Don’ts, Shoulds and Shouldn’ts. Maybe its is being Performance Driven and Oriented; the ends justifies the means. Success at all costs. “Fair” is a big deal, “The Way Things Should Be”. These folks stuck here can live their lives under expectations, judgments, and curses- and they tend to do the same to others, especially when they do not get what they want. Roles are important, so relationships may be difficult, and status means quite a bit to them. You might see them tend toward a joyless life.

“Narcissisms of Adolescence ”

May be best represented by those folks who are a slave to their passions. Characterized by a lack of self-control and a huge ego or a deeply wounded one. These kind of guys cannot control the carnal nature but instead indulge it with abandon, to the detriment of the truly important relationships they do have, risking health, career, and maturity. Very vulnerable to addictions- overeater, being a workaholic, alcoholic, sex addict. My needs and wants, my time, my interests, my hobbies- “It’s All About Me”, “What’s in it for me?” The common good is unimportant, so commitment may be a one way street. Relationships are probably many but may be shallow. I can fall into this one: he fears growing up and taking responsibility. If he is a parent, he could be living life through his children.

God wants to bless the people He loves with freedom and joy- and his patterns for life are guidelines which bring safety and blessing and personal fulfillment that is deep and lasting. Then, and only then, do our lives bring Him honor- and our soul is at rest. The great Apostle Paul writes, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24

“Perfectionisms of Adulthood ”

For guys stuck here, there is a high need to prove authority and position. Image and control are very important. He'll use words and actions to manipulate. Having to look and be perfect, he is an easy target for a “secret life” where his addictions and actions that would disqualify him and ruin his image can take root and grow. Without friends for real support and honesty, he is lost in patterns which will destroy his life.

It's not just the "big" areas that can create problems here. I know men who couldn't tell the truth, men with uncontrollable tempers, men who stole small items at work, or others who couldn't control their need to look like the nice guy to everyone. Each experienced devastating consequences as something that didn't seem so significant finally became more important to them than what they really wanted in life. Most importantly, thet lost self-respect as well as losing sight of who they were. Patterns were set in place that couldn't be easily removed and without help.

What are some common characteristics in all these three stages and descriptions?

• Fear Based Decisions and Actions (or lack of action)
• Self-focused- difficult to think of or support others
• Can be emotionally inattentive to primary relationships
• Has difficulty focusing on God’s hand of blessing in their lives
• Compensates for something lost or something never gained
• For those of us married, we can turn responsibility over to our wives, leaving them burdened, confused and hurting
• Those of us with children can leave them confused, too.

Ultimately, we can be confused about who we really are as men, and instead, live a life full of good intentions without ever doing anything with them! Very disappointing and unfulfilling.

In an age where the world needs heroes, and we as men are looking at others by which we can model our lives, let's take a look at Jesus Christ as our model of manhood. Even if you are not a Christian, there are many things you can learn by examining the life of this extraordinary person.

The Bible says He dealt with the same temptations as us (Hebrews 4:15), so in this regard, his life on earth was no different than ours. This means ALL temptations- insert your own favorite struggle here. Jesus chose to be baptized by John, who was confused why the Son of God would want a baptism of repentance.

"Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented. He took ownership of what was right, and He chose to live his life in a way that would be a blessing to others.

He was tempted with all things. Look at this passage in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 4:
1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

4 Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:

"'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

7 Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

10 Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Notice that twice Satan says “If you are the Son of God…” questioning his identity in the Father. When Jesus doesn’t cave in, Satan offers him all the world has in exchange for His true identity. There is nothing that evil men like more than when we lose sight of who we really are and trade it in for short term pleasures and pursuits. We are designed to make a positive difference in our world, but we can throw it all away so easily.

Jesus could have tossed it all away, but instead chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, choosing to die on the cross for the sins of all men for all time. Was there ever a bigger or more difficult mission than that? He is the Hero of all time, a worthy role model for those of us who want to be more than we are and to make our world a better place.

Now, for those of us who are trying to follow Jesus, Paul again has encouraging words regarding Our Sonship, Our Manhood, Our Identity. In Galatians 3:26-28, he writes, "You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Be warned: When we choose to live differently, we will be challenged, even attacked for the choice. The Same Experience as with Jesus will happen to us: We will be questioned by others our identity (And we will sometimes question ourselves about our identity in Christ). Through the ways of the world, we will be offered whatever appeals to us in exchange for our Manhood, our True Identity! These offers will become available to us as we make choices along the way toward whatever we place before God, thereby setting our hearts up for deceit.

Let me ask you a question, "What have we exchanged for our True Manhood, Our Godly Identity in Jesus?” or even "What compromises have I made in my life in order to not 'rock the boat'?" If you do not know the answers, ask those you trust- and listen well.

The answers will reveal the very areas that hold us captive to a life that is far less satisfying than the one we want. Then ask God for the strength to do what is right and honorable. There will be blessing as freedom as you forge ahead in his strength.

Male Ambiguity 2

Although last week's humorous post on Male Ambiguity pointed to something really funny about us men, the truth is there are many reasons for us to be confused about what it means to be a man. And that is no laughing matter! Most men, me included, spend a good amount of time trying to discover just what it means to be male in our world, and with that, why it seems so important to us to make an impact while we are here on earth.

Why does this process take longer than it should? Let me throw out a few thoughts for your consideration:

We are robbed by valid images of manhood and the transition to manhood by absentee man and unavailable fathers. Here's some examples- Abusive or silent or emotionally detached dads, broken homes caused by divorce or single mother homes, men consumed by career, etc. All these contribute to young boys being left to fend for themselves as they mature.

There is also a deterioration of extended family. In many cultures, extended family by necessity must live together. Or they live or work close by. In the United States, we are a much more mobile society, one where it is common to move to support a career change or advancement. It's probably now less common to stay rooted in one place! Therefore, there is a lack of real relationships with uncles, grandfathers, older brothers and other men to build networks of friendship and support.

Even under the best circumstances, we men also have to deal with unhealthy and unrealistic views of what constitutes a man! Distorted ideas of "real men" from the media (in both Reel and in Real life) leave us in a state of confusion. It seems the media presents only three acceptable scenarios for us to model ourselves after when in fact, there is much diversity in our roles and function and personality from a Biblical standpoint.

The media scenarios seem to be found in Option One- nontraditional families: gang life, prison life, or teen family “groupings” where mature adult men are not present. Option Two is the "Bumbling Dad". This one has been around for awhile. From Ozzie Nelson is the 1960s on to the terrific Tim Allen (the voice of Buzz Lightyear) as the well meaning father of “Home Improvement", men are presented as absorbed by sports and cars and alcohol, oblivious to other aspects of life. Currently, the American television show "Two and a Half Men" with Charlie Sheen throws in a curve: a trio of men from one family bond together as they try to figure out life without women.

Lastly, Option Three is the Superstar Man. The media and the public love these athletes, rock stars, and movie and reality television stars. Their exploits have become fodder for watercooler discussion and sell many newspapers and magazines, but unfortunately they are for the most part, poor role models for the real world most of us inhabit.

All said, absentee men and media misrepresentation of what constitutes a man makes things tough. It gets worse. The process is complicated even more by our lack of cultural traditions- ie. Ceremony and Task Completion. This leaves young men in an entirely different place than our ancestors of old. Could this be why gang initiation powerfully draws our young men?

Let me toss you a few questions to consider:
• When Did You Realize You Were A Man?
• What Steps Seemed Most Significant in your Quest for Manhood?
• And maybe most importantly, Who Told You That You Were A Man?

Ponder the answers to these questions and watch for additional posts on this subject matter. For the sake of your future and for those of you with children, for their sake, let's together consider who we are and where we are headed. We will impact our world. The question is "How will we impact our world?"

Masculine Ambiguity I

Don't be deceived by the hormonally enhanced Sly Stallone here. Masculine ambiguity is alive and well in the United States! What truly defines a man is his actions. Doing the right thing by his wife, his children, his friends and neighbors.