Guilty of Murder and Set Free

I was so moved by this story of indifference to compassion, I knew I had to share it when I first read it. In our world of selfishness, chaos, depravity, and disillusionment, it's refreshing to read of a person brave enough to acknowledge and encounter their part in it and make a change.
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"I was an abortionist. The abortion industry isn't willing to prioritize patient safety. I was pro-choice for decades. I performed abortions and had an abortion myself. Can't we all at least agree on importance of safety in the industry?

I’ve killed more people than Ted Bundy.

Coming to terms with the fact that I was a professional mass murderer was devastating, but it compelled me to speak the truth.

I began my medical career believing the modern clichés that women must have total control over our bodies, and that it’s irresponsible and unethical to bring unwanted children into an overpopulated world. During my OB-GYN residency in Florida in the late 1970s, I went above and beyond the usual first-trimester abortion requirement and asked to learn to perform second-trimester dismemberment abortions. When faced with my own unwanted pregnancy before entering medical school, I chose abortion.

Abortions, I soon discovered, can be very profitable. When I got my medical license in Florida in 1978, I moonlighted as an abortionist on the weekends, making more money than I would have made working in the emergency room. I was amazed by the perfect little fingers and toes but treated fetal remains like any other medical specimen — with no emotion. I even performed abortions while I was pregnant. The difference was clear to me at the time: My baby was wanted; my patients' babies weren't. I saw no contradiction in that.

The only time I questioned my line of work was during my neonatal rotation, when I realized I was trying to save babies in the neonatal intensive care unit who were the same age as some of the babies I was aborting.

The path to life-

Three patients changed my professional trajectory.

I was preparing to perform an abortion on the first when I realized I had already performed three on her in the past — she was using abortion as birth control. I protested doing the fourth, only to be told by my boss that I had no right to deny it to her. “Easy for you to say, you’re not the one doing the killing,” I snapped back. I did the killing, but my response startled even me.

A sad choice, but the right one: I had a later abortion because I couldn't give my baby girl both life and peace

The second patient was a young woman there with a friend. Her friend asked whether she wanted to see the tissue when I was done, and she replied angrily that no, she just wanted to kill it. “What did this baby ever do to you?” I wondered, again surprised by my reaction. I don't think I had ever thought of them as babies before.

But it was a mother of four who felt she just couldn’t manage another child who brought me to tears. She wept before, during and after the procedure. It was the grief of a woman who knew the moral gravity of what she was doing that ended my abortion career.

I stopped doing abortions, but I remained pro-choice. Over time, I saw in my OB-GYN practice young girls flourish who had chosen not to abort, and older, more educated patients who had aborted struggle psychologically. Gradually, I began to see the feminist narrative that abortion empowers women as increasingly flimsy.

Ultimately, I could not shake the realization that the only thing that decided the fate of the baby was whether he or she was wanted or not. The former was born. The latter was killed. The life or death of a human being should not be so arbitrarily decided.

I became pro-life.

Shoddy, dangerous care

I now give expert testimony on the realities of abortion, like the testimonies the Supreme Court will soon consider in the case of June Medical Services LLC v. Gee.

For years, many abortion clinics have gotten away with shoddy practices that no surgery center would be likely to get away with. This is surely because abortion workers, legislators and law enforcement fear that they will be accused of restricting access to abortion if they hold abortion clinics accountable.

Loving abortion clinic workers, too:Pro-life movement should follow Abby Johnson's lead, turning abortion workers into allies

A former manager of an abortion clinic told me that she was instructed to use dish washing liquid to clean their instruments when their sanitizer broke down so they wouldn’t have to close while it was repaired. Inspection reports in multiple states have found clinics not properly sanitizing their instruments. 

A patient who came to me for complications from a late-term abortion said she was kept in a cold room overnight without a blanket during an induction abortion. She was forced to give birth in a toilet the next morning, only to watch her still living baby drown.

As a gynecologist on call in the emergency room, I personally treated women experiencing severe complications, including life-threatening hemorrhage and infection from abortions, because no one at the abortion clinic had admitting privileges. No abortion clinic personnel ever called to give me information on a patient they were sending to the ER. This is not a safe way to practice medicine.

When it comes to abortionists being required to have local hospital admitting privileges, the issue the court will consider in Gee, the fact is that many physicians on staff at ambulatory surgical centers are required to have hospital privileges to ensure that patient care is not compromised in the event of a complication.

Helping patients fight for their lives, and their rights:We met as doctor and patient, but a life-saving abortion was the start of our friendship

One of the reasons we are told these safety standards aren’t needed is because abortion is so safe, but we don’t know the true percent of women who experience complications.

Only 28 states require abortion providers to report post-abortion complications, and states are not required to submit abortion data to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Abortion clinics don't want this information to come out, and providers have taken states to court to try to avoid reporting. 

Recently, a former Arizona abortion clinic employee won millions of dollars in a wrongful termination lawsuit after she was fired for noting serious health and safety violations at her clinic.

Yet Americans were horrified when the unsanitary conditions and unsafe medical practices of convicted Dr. Kermit Gosnell’s abortion clinic were uncovered, and shocked when news broke about Dr. Ulrich Klopfer, an abortionist who, day after day, walked out of his office with bags of aborted fetal remains, accumulating thousands, and violating endless ethical, medical and legal standards. These are hallmarks of an unsafe industry.

I was pro-choice for decades. I performed abortions and had an abortion. I understand in a deep and personal way where the fault lines of disagreement over abortion in America lie. But can’t we at least all agree on the importance of safety in the abortion industry?" 

Dr. Kathi Aultman is an associate scholar with the Charlotte Lozier Institute and a member of the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists. 

(Published by USA Today January 22, 2020.)

Breaking Free

In a time and season such as this, it feels right and necessary to talk about forgiveness. Unfortunately, the human condition fights against actually forgiving each other. Yet, to not choose forgiveness is to put ourselves in a prison of our own making. One we cannot break out of unless God intervenes on our behalf as we choose to step out in faith.

Choosing forgiveness is one of the most difficult things anyone can do. Sometimes, it is a constant choice, one we make daily. Maybe you are just like me. The slightest hardened thought toward those who have offended me, the least twinge when I remember the past without having hope for a new future, and I find myself thinking I am back at square one in being free. But the truth is, forgiveness is a major work from God that takes more time than we'd like.  

Let me say this clearly: Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone back into our lives. Sometimes that is not desired or even possible or safe. The loss of relationship can be a natural and necessary consequence of doing wrong.

If I'm hurt, how can I be free? Certainly, if I only look at the end result, it may utterly and totally impossible to be released from the pain. It always takes time. Nothing good happens without process.

I've been thinking about Jesus and his life and earth, the sacrifice of it all, being God in the flesh, choosing to give up heaven in order to redeem man, and what it cost Him to do so: death on a cross. A death without dignity, instead one of shame. One that took the very power of God to accomplish.

His life was filled with seeming contradictions. Accessible to children but strong enough to confront those who offended the name of God by their lives and words and actions. Willing to let a friend die to the scorn and disappointment of the dead man's siblings but powerful enough to raise him from the dead. Bold and blunt as John the Baptist proclaiming repentance to the masses, not always patient with those who followed him. All done by the power of God.

Jesus was willing to change water to the finest of wines to aid in a wedding celebration. (Love that part of Him!) And willing to ask the Father to forgive those who cruficied Him on two wooden logs while these same executioners slandered the very One who laid down his life for them. Again, by the power of God. Interesting that forgiveness was the last thing He did on the cross, and it was probably the hardest.

There it is: it is by the very power of God Himself that we choose forgiveness and let God do his work in us to accomplish it. The process and end result is His work; the obedience to want to forgive, asking Him for strength to walk in it- and be sensitive and honest when we struggle to be free- belongs to us. His work, our obedience. Like all of life, we cannot do it without Him. It's prideful and foolish to think we can, and it's very unwise and ungodly to live in bitterness and hatred but so easy to do.

Jesus' own words speak of the importance of forgiveness and why we must do so. Look at Matthew chapter 18:  “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves.  As he began settling his accounts, a man who owed ten thousand talents was brought to him.  Because he was not able to repay it, the lord ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, children, and whatever he possessed, and repayment to be made.  Then the slave threw himself to the ground before him, saying, ‘Be patient with me, and I will repay you everything.’  The lord had compassion on that slave and released him, and forgave him the debt.  After he went out, that same slave found one of his fellow slaves who owed him one hundred silver coins. So he grabbed him by the throat and started to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe me!’  Then his fellow slave threw himself down and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will repay you.’  But he refused. Instead, he went out and threw him in prison until he repaid the debt.  When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were very upset and went and told their lord everything that had taken place.  Then his lord called the first slave and said to him, ‘Evil slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me!  Should you not have shown mercy to your fellow slave, just as I showed it to you?’  And in anger his lord turned him over to the prison guards to torture him until he repaid all he owed.  So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Help us, help me, Heavenly Father, to rest in your love and to trust in your work to help me to forgive. I want to, but I cannot do it on my own. Set me free from the prison others have created within me by their words and actions and my response to them.

Perfect Abs Among the Scars

Perfect abs. What guy doesn't want them? I certainly do, but I can't. Is it laziness? No. Is it lack of results regardless of how hard I work? No. Eating the wrong foods? Well, even though that's true, it's not the reason. Due to some botched surgery years ago when I was a child, I have a very deep, long, and ugly scar- and not even close to a straight line at that- just underneath my belly button, leaving lumps when it would have been smooth. It's a scar that I really hate. It always reminds me of being less than perfect, a somewhat embarrassing mark on a less than perfect man, less than perfect life. 

I guess its also a sign of survival. We all have scars. Some are obvious for the world to see. Some are hidden. Some are not even physical but emotional or mental. I have those, too. But I am encouraged! I've been reading through the Gospel of Mark. Reading how Jesus came and healed. Jesus healed the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years. Doctors couldn't help her, and she'd spent all her money. In just touching the hem of his clothes, she was healed in an instant- and she knew it.

When he asks the crowd, "Who touched my clothes?", the woman came to him, admitting it was her. I love his response to the poor, frightened, woman who had encountered the One True God in the flesh: "Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." What a wonderful, merciful, God who sent His Son not just to pay the price for our sins but also to give us peace and free us from our suffering! 

Most people who encountered Jesus and were healed went on to tell many people about Him and about the glories of a God who is personal, powerful, and active. And I guess that includes me as well. His love has covered over my sin, given me forgiveness,  hope, a future, and brought healing to the wounds and sin of others against me in my life! 

On a good day, my scars now remind me of what I have survived- both those easy to see scars and those stamped on my heart and mind. They remind me of His goodness, His mercy, His love, in a world gone crazy. How can I not tell others about Him with joy?

Real Freedom

Some seasons grieve you, and some seasons bring rejoicing. After being at Calvary Chapel on Sunday, I am reminded of my freedom in Christ regardless of the season. Thank you, Jesus, for paying the price for my sin and setting me free!

Doing My Part For Freedom of the Press

This is America- Nothing more to say.

True Freedom

All this talk of political freedom got me thinking about this sentence from the Apostle Paul and its potential applications:

"You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." (1 Corinthians 7:23-24)

Paul was encouraging those who were Christ-followers to be true to their present situation when they were called by God. Of course, in reflecting on this, I began thinking about the things that enslave us. Certainly the usual stuff we think of that is not healthy or even evil came to mind. You can fill in your own blanks here.

As I kept on rereading this verse, I started thinking about things that can enslave us to men. We wouldn't necessary think of these as sinful but they can certainly become snares for us.

Top of the list? We can become slaves to ourselves. This happens to me all the time.

My own way of thinking leads me like a ring through my nose if I don't put it before God and then consider its effect. How does this one, slave to self, show itself? Maybe it is when I find myself thinking "Well, it's just the way it is supposed to be done" or "If you understood this matter as well as I do, you'd see it my way." And a million other thoughts where I set myself up as superior to someone else. (There's a big snare: pride!)

We can also become slaves to ourselves in meeting our own needs as we define them. Some things I think of are seeking solitude when we are called to serve others. Times when God calls us to rest but we overwork. Zealousness regarding something that doesn't have its roots in what we really believe and want to live out- our clubs and activities, hobbies etc. Maybe its having a passion for things that do have godly roots but may have gotten out of control: pet philosophies and theologies, being important, our political views, etc. I think you get the idea. Anything that can replace God in our focus and passion can bring slavery when we find our identity in it or maintain an unhealthy focus on it.

It is kind of discouraging to find we can become slaves to things not inherently evil .
We could continue to beat up ourselves if we leave our focus here. Thank God, however, if we know and love Jesus, we are truly free from what weighs us down! This is a recurring theme in the writings of Paul. Check out Romans 6 in particular. Let me end with a portion of it.

"But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:22-23)

Thankfully, it is a gift and nothing we can earn. Let's go forward with a thankful heart for God's great gift to us!