Moving On

I think I'm "ok". Grief is such a difficult thing to overcome completely, but I am finally moving into the acceptance stage of this process after hitting a short season of denial, a long season of anger, and a brief season of depression. Yet, acceptance does not mean a plan is in place! That's the next part for me. And my wife and I are in the midst of discussing what that should be. 

The gift of time to walk through this process is something only God could give me- and He has. If you know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with him that is real and intimate and personal, you know what I'm talking about. Only in Him is this rest and help and purpose for the future. I may be entering a new season of life, but that does not mean I cannot glorify God and do his work- or enjoy the process of embracing new things and letting go of the old.

What will change? Will this blog even continue? Many things are up for reevaluation, and I'll take it steady and slow without drastic moves unless the Lord directs. "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21.
 

Blurred Vision

In 100% honesty here, I cannot see what lies ahead for me. Totally stunned by the impact losing a job has on my mindset. Some days are peaceful, others are sad or filled with the stress of not knowing what is next. At times, I find myself angry- at others, at myself, at God who did allow this. Yet, where else can I go?

Digging myself into reading the Bible, I am in the book of Isaiah (and the Old Testament in general), and I am absorbing the reflections of a prophet who had seen it all. I'm reminded unexpectedly of God's provision and His plan, even when I cannot see what the future holds. In loss and gain, He has been faithful to me! Sometimes, it takes years before I understand. Or I may never, but I know without  doubt He loves me.

My emotions go up and down, the loss feels deep. Thankfully, my wife is supportive without a glitch. The truth remains: I need a job. I need an income, and I need a purpose. Yet, I have my faithful God.

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassing never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those who hope in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."  Lamentations 3:22-26

I yell. I cry. All before my God who knows what I am thinking and feeling before I do. My challenge is to not move too fast and to not say or do anything that would disrupt my relationships. I must choose to believe by walking this season out, that God knows what is best for me. It doesn't mean success in the eyes of man. It may mean a menial job for me. But it does mean that God desires to conform me to look like His Son Jesus. That is the journey of a believer who has totally given his life over to the Creator. It is the price of being a child of God. Time for this man who claims faith to watch it play out- even if my emotions tell me differently.