June 2, 2011

Dear Diary

I'm waiting. It's the big news I'm waiting for, and yet, it seems it is the day to day living that is where the battle is for my soul. 

My deepest desire, Lord Jesus, is to be yours- 100%, no holding back. But the little annoyances, the little frustrations of life are, well. frustrating. They do keep me focused on you for the most part. Maybe. Sometimes, they keep me focused on me. And that isn't a good thing.It is so easy to squander away my day. Get busy with things both of earthly and of eternal value. Before I know it, it ends, and I have forgotten to think the way You think, to see what You see, to do what You do. Help me, oh God, to be more like you. I want to love you more than anyone or anything. That is my prayer. It's also a work that you know I cannot do on my own. I need you to accomplish that for me. Your promises tell me you will, but my flesh tells me I am no better than I was years ago when I first decided to give my life to you.

While running a few days ago, my i-pod came upon a wonderful old song by Deniece Williams. It is called My Soul Desire, and it totally expresses my heart:

Lord, when you placed your hands upon me
I knew that I would never be the same
For in that moment I became your servant
And since that day, I only have one aim

My soul desire is to be used
And empty vessel longing to be filled by You
My soul desire is to serve You Lord
To do your perfect will
To work each day and build
You Kingdom, this is my soul desire.

Lord, I do not seek to claim the glory
I only wish to be under your control
For I know that you alone are worthy
And it's You who placed this longing in my soul

This song has always pierced my heart, and I thank you, Deniece, for writing it with passion and purpose. It's one of many songs that express my heart better than I could.

Lord Jesus, this is my heart. Please do the work. You must as I cannot. But in all this, let me be yours without reservation. Forgive me where I fall short and sin. Amen.

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