May 20, 2012

A Man Exposed

It's the middle of the night, and I'm a naked man sitting. Not literally, but I feel stripped bare before God wondering about my life. No, do not misunderstand. It's not like that. No midnight confession necessary to cleanse my soul or ease any pain. It's just a stark reminder that ultimately, my life boils down to a few very simple things in the middle of being a bundle of complexities. I am the sum of many parts. Sometimes, I am singularly focused to the point of being an easy target for those who love me- and those who dislike, even hate me. And yet, I survive and persevere. Blessing, curses, and indifference. Commitment, betrayal, success and failure. All parts of life, my included.

Often, I do not even know myself, and I am thankful that God himself understands this man He made. Nothing escapes Him, terrifying and comforting me at once. Whether its a season of being the boy inside or the man who knows his priorities, time continues to pass while I am refined and redefined. I'm alone yet never really alone. My wife and my God stand beside me. My children surround with lives and families of their own, priorities and responsibilities molding them and directing their lives.

Friends known and friends unknown yet. Those to come from future travels and those who have made major impacts on my life. Thankfulness and sorrow. Life, death, and muddling through. Things I'll always be, and things I'll never be. The contradictions of life and love, and time running out. And time washing away, eternity waiting. 

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