I have your attention now, don’t I?
I must admit, I think about sex often. I bet you do, too. Sometimes, I wonder if that is godly. I love that private time with my wife. Then I realize God created and blesses marital sex, and He calls it good. In the New Testament, Paul exhorts believers to remember that in marriage, the body of the husband also belongs to his wife, and the wife’s body also belongs to her husband (I Corinthians 7:3-4). I like that. Sounds like an abundance of love on command.
As with most things, Scripture challenges us with another level of application- the commandment to love our wives. Reading I Corinthians 13 reminded me that Biblical love is an action, not just a feeling. One section hit me square between the eyes: “Love… is not self-seeking” (vs. 5).
(I just wanted to say it again to make sure I didn’t lose you for this next part!)
How many times I am selfish and self-seeking all day long! It’s a matter of what I want when I want it. Especially when I get home from the demands of the day. Occasionally, glimpses of change shine through. Maybe it is the same for you.
Our attention seems to be naturally tuned in to our careers, our pleasure, and our recreation. The culture we live in also reinforces our sin nature. You know- be all that you can be; go for the gusto; win at all costs; be the master of your universe; ad nauseum. Everything from computers to sports, captivates our hearts and occupies our time. We willingly spend our lives pursuing recognition, more money, more toys, and better bodies.
So what about loving our wives and giving ourselves up for them? (Ephesians 5). That is part of this marriage thing. We are called to love and serve our wives- to lay our lives down for them. What speaks sacrificial love to your wife? It is a dinner out, kind words, a cup of coffee and conversation, letting her have a night out while you watch the kids, or taking her to that “chick flick” she’s dying to see? The answers are endless, but only you know what those things are that speak of your preference for her over yourself and what you want.
Want more and better sex? Learn to love on your wife. Use your body, your whole body, to love her. Use your ears to listen to her about her day; your mouth to praise and encourage her; your hands to help her; your heart to understand how she feels; your feet to take her places she enjoys. Use your mind to choose her, instead of doing what just pleases you.
Put her above all others. Then she will be free to be who she really is- the woman of your dreams, the love of your life, the one you married. And your heart will be free to enjoy her. Lastly, seek the Lord with all you’ve got. Nothing is more attractive to a godly wife than a man who loves his Lord. A bulging wallet or bulging biceps can’t even come close.
It’s a wonderful thing that God desires to make even better by laying down our lives for our wives. Don’t just believe me about what I’ve written- ask your wife.