Blurred Vision

In 100% honesty here, I cannot see what lies ahead for me. Totally stunned by the impact losing a job has on my mindset. Some days are peaceful, others are sad or filled with the stress of not knowing what is next. At times, I find myself angry- at others, at myself, at God who did allow this. Yet, where else can I go?

Digging myself into reading the Bible, I am in the book of Isaiah (and the Old Testament in general), and I am absorbing the reflections of a prophet who had seen it all. I'm reminded unexpectedly of God's provision and His plan, even when I cannot see what the future holds. In loss and gain, He has been faithful to me! Sometimes, it takes years before I understand. Or I may never, but I know without  doubt He loves me.

My emotions go up and down, the loss feels deep. Thankfully, my wife is supportive without a glitch. The truth remains: I need a job. I need an income, and I need a purpose. Yet, I have my faithful God.

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassing never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those who hope in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."  Lamentations 3:22-26

I yell. I cry. All before my God who knows what I am thinking and feeling before I do. My challenge is to not move too fast and to not say or do anything that would disrupt my relationships. I must choose to believe by walking this season out, that God knows what is best for me. It doesn't mean success in the eyes of man. It may mean a menial job for me. But it does mean that God desires to conform me to look like His Son Jesus. That is the journey of a believer who has totally given his life over to the Creator. It is the price of being a child of God. Time for this man who claims faith to watch it play out- even if my emotions tell me differently.